


here and now

by grootmorning



Category: The Gifted (TV 2017)
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Late Night Musings, Pillow Talk, Post-Canon, Romance, mentions of Sonya Simonson, post season one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-12 23:58:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15351672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grootmorning/pseuds/grootmorning
Summary: Post-Season 1. Clarice and John discuss the aftermath of what Sonya did to her and why it never faded away.





	here and now

**Author's Note:**

> i found a video of compiled thunderblink scenes on youtube, watched it on repeat and this fell out of me. thank you p.olarix on youtube

"Why do you think it never faded away?" 

"Hm?" Distracted, John brushed a stray lock of hair from her forehead, looking down at her sleepily from where he lay. It was late, and he was already drifting.

Propping her chin up on her hand that was currently resting on the shirt he favoured for sleeping, Clarice wrinkled her nose at him. "Pay attention. I think this is important."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he tried not to let a small laugh escape him at the disgruntled expression on her face. The bedsheets rustled as John tried to get into a more comfortable position now that Clarice was using him as a body pillow. "You were saying?"

"Why do you think it never faded away?" Her voice faltered, and she cleared her throat as his eyes shuttered over, as they always did whenever the sensitive topic was brought up. "The - the dreams."

John pinched the bridge of his nose for a bit, pushing away the small ball of grief that he still carried with him over Sonya's death and the memory of her. Letting his hand return to where he was holding her, John rubbed her back for a bit, knowing that it was as hard for Clarice to raise the topic as it was for him to talk about it.

"I thought about it after everything went down," he admitted slowly. "Just turning it over in my head, wondering if it could have gone any differently."

Clarice sighed, letting out that breath of air with a low hum in the back of her throat. It felt like something was constricting her chest, but it had to be said. "It was horrible at first, getting you out of my head. But John, having you in there wasn't all that bad, really, after awhile. It was really hot," she smirked a little, her heart feeling lighter as he smiled just a bit. "And having the pink smoky thing helped saved you and Marcos and the rest." 

It surprised even her, the ease at which she said that. She had been so angry for so long, after taking off, even after coming back to Headquarters. The invasiveness of it all, the lack of consent on her part, all these had contributed to her bitter feelings. Not only that, the residual dream feelings for John added to her own real budding ones which added to the confusion of it all. Her head had been a bubbling pot of disorientation for a long while, but there hadn't been much time to harbour resentment after she'd approached Sonya to help Norah. That, for her, was what made her begin to forgive, and made peace.

"I don't regret it," Clarice said, with as much conviction she could summon. It was a lot. "I saved you. That was worth it. To me."

His hand was so large. It covered her entire cheek. Clarice turned to nuzzle into it, closing her eyes and enjoying it. The warmth from his hand made her want to purr like a kitten but she reined that feeling in. Opening her eyes, she looked to see John's own opened as well, vulnerable with emotion. 

"Thank you." The two words were shaky with his own feelings. The guilt that he had carried with him since he'd realised what Sonya had done wasn't easy. There was some days that he wondered if they would have been what they were, without all the unpleasantness they went through. Had Sonya still been alive, would he have been brave enough to step forward for that relationship with Clarice? Something that he'd pushed aside with her?

She held his gaze for awhile before looking down to trace mindless patterns into his shirt. He cleared his throat hastily, freeing it of the grief stuck in there.

"So, your thoughts?" Clarice wasn't going to let this go. It would be best if they could talk it through once, and hopefully never speak of it again.

John sighed, "One was that Sonya never got the chance to pull the dreams out of your head. I think that's what you and Marcos mentioned about that Sentinel Services agent?"

At her nod, he continued, "Sonya said she only gave you a faint memory, that it would fade, but in her haste and panic to save us, she might have given you something stronger. Something that she might have needed to remove for you to be able to forget."

"That makes sense," she nodded, stifling a yawn. Someone called out outside the door and the both of them paused in their conversation, distracted. John had the faint glazed over look in his eye that he got whenever he was focusing on something else. It was late, and if there was trouble, then they had to be ready for it.

"It's fine, someone just dropped a box of cereal."

"Eavesdropper," Clarice tried to elbow him in the gut, getting a sore elbow for her troubles. Damned bulletproof skin. She gritted her teeth, looking at him in mock anger, but lost the will to and smiled as he tickled her gently in the sides.

With a small giggle, Clarice angled herself away to escape him, landing them both on their sides. It was her turn to brush his hair out of his eyes. The long locks were out of their usual hairtie, framing his face very attractively and Clarice found herself idly wondering if his hair was as invulnerable as the rest of him. Haircuts must be a challenge then.

She pulled the arm resting on her waist higher to drape comfortably over her ribs, wondering what she did in her past life to deserve this. To deserve a man who looked at her like she was the most precious thing he had on Earth. Maybe she saved a princess. Or saved the country. 

"What else?" She whispered. He was so close, she didn't feel the need to speak out loud at all.

John had always seemed to know what was in her heart.

"The other," his own voice was low, his eyes taking her in, "was that the dream was just a mirror of the feelings that you already had or were beginning to have for me. Whether it was simply attraction or emotional feelings. And they played off each other."

The bedsprings complained as John moved closer, tugging her across the imaginary middle line to his side of the bed. "Your subconscious hung onto that memory because it was what it wanted, and fit the real emotions that you already had."

"So you're saying it's my fault?"

He shrugged, best as he could while he was lying on his side, "It's just a theory."

Thinking about it, Clarice pressed her fingers to the side of his jaw, "It felt like water."

"Hm?"

"It felt like I was walking through water," she clarified. "Whenever I was in the dream, or thought back about it, it always felt like I was pushing my way through water to get to it. Like it wasn't real and it was all murky and far away." 

"It wasn't real, Clarice. This, you and me, this is real."

"I know, but - "

"No buts," he cut her off, a stern look in his eye. It was the way he looked whenever he was in leader mode, trying to get someone to listen or to step up and do what they had to do. Clarice had seen it before but having it directed at her, this close, it made her want to squirm away. "There are no buts in the here and now. We are what we are, and we somehow found each other through all the mess and the chaos in the world."

The hand on her side tightened and the secureness of the grip somehow steadied her. 

"You ground me, do you understand? You are what's keeping me from turning tail and running screaming through those woods, leaving all the responsibilities I have behind. Because you look at me like I don't have to have the answers, that I'm not a hero just a normal person trying to keep others from dying, and you're okay with that." The stern look had morphed into a look of near-desperation. "You help me be okay with that."

They didn't speak of the losses that were still fresh in their minds. The people they had lost. The home they would have to rebuild. 

"Wow, Proudstar," the smile played across her lips. They were trembling, but she firmed it up with nothing but willpower. "Way to make a love declaration."

That brought out another half smile, but John wasn't finished. "What you saw in the smoke, that's all in the past. I loved her, I can't and won't deny that. But you must see, that the feelings I felt for her was a small fraction of what I feel for you. Do you understand that?"

The tears that Clarice didn't know she was holding back came now, sliding down her cheeks slowly. She didn't realise that the question that had stayed so long in her heart was accompanied by feelings of insecurity and uncertainty, otherwise she definitely wouldn't have brought it up. But now she knew. She knew why she felt unsteady all this while, even with John. And now she knew that he was in this for the long haul, as invested and as gone for her as she was for him.

She would have buried her face in the pillow, but John wouldn't let her. Those hands, that she always felt same in, came up with wipe them away hastily.

"Hey now, what's this? What's this? I didn't say those things to make you cry."

She shook her head silently, unable to speak. The feelings of uncertainty within her had been banished by an overwhelming surge of gratefulness and heartfelt love for the man lying next to her, panicking that he had made her cry. Her own hands came up to grasp onto his wrists, stilling them. 

"You see me," she said simply.

His eyes crinkled up as he smiled, reaching out again to draw her closer.

Sliding an arm under her neck and tugging her closer with the other, John enfolded her in a hug. It was so warm. Clarice pressed her face into his shirt, inhaling him in. She could recognise his scent anywhere. In his arms, she felt safe.

Loved.

He pressed his lips to her forehead, squeezing his eyes shut as he remembered how close he was to losing her if he had just been a second slower.

They were here, here and now.

And that was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> wow listening to 'we'll be a dream' as i write this may not have been entirely appropriate. have more of my thunderblink feels eh? who's counting down to september 25 with me? :D 
> 
> p.s if anybody caught the convoluted disney reference let me know
> 
> tumblr: [here](http://ltfrankcastle.tumblr.com)  
> twitter: [here](http://twitter.com/ltfrankcastie)


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